A little insight

I hope that it's ok that this is going to be more of a "personal blog." The Lord has been working on my heart in several areas the past few weeks and I wanted to share some of it with you all. Specifically I've been thinking about where my place is and what my role is within the body of believers. I've been thinking a lot about something that was said to me several years ago on my second missions trip to Mexico with Country Bible Church. My group had been working with the kids and adults at this small church in Mexicali for a week. On our last day there as we were saying our goodbyes and giving our final hugs to the cute little ninos, the church pastor, Caser, came up to me. He grabbed my hands and looked directly at me and said, "You have talents, you just have to use them." Then he was off to speak to someone else. It was strange because I had not had many conversations with the pastor that week and did not feel like I knew him particularly well, yet he presented a pretty bold statement. I'm not sure why that moment has stayed with me so well, but I will never forget those words, "You have talents, you just have to use them." Flash forward 3 years to summer 2007. I was in New York visiting my roommate from college, Kristina. A few days after I was there she told me she wanted me to sing a duet with her in church that Sunday. I was really nervous because I did not have much time to practice the song, but when Sunday morning came Kristina and I went to the front of the church and sang out duet. Afterwards I wasn't entirely sure about how well I had done, but was pretty pleased with our performance. After the service a man came up to tell Kristina and I that we did a good job. It was at this point that the man came up to me and said, "You have talents, you just have to use them." I have no idea where this came from, but immediately it brought me back to what Cesar had said to me a few years back. I thanked the man and continued on my way.

Since then I've thought of those two instances a few times, but didn't really know what to do with it. Recently, as I mentioned before, I've been thinking about where my place is in the church. I feel bad to say this, but I have not been very good in the past about being involved in my church and serving. However, I do think that it is important that every member contributes. The Lord does not give us talents and gifts to keep to ourselves, but rather to share with others. In my defense (although it is a poor one) I'm not entirely sure what my "talent" is. For a long time I thought that music was it, but I never felt like I was extraordinary at it, so I've never done much with it. I think part of it is fear-fear of being judged, fear of failing, etc. But does the Lord give us a spirit of fear? This brings me to yesterday.

Saturday night I did not fall asleep until nearly 2:30am. When my alarm went off at 8:30 I decided to skip the morning church service and just go to the afternoon one. Even after I got up I kept making excuses and didn't really want to have to get ready and walk to the train station to ride a train for 15 minutes to get to church (I know, bad excuses, huh?!). Finally I resolved that I should go because I always love it once I'm there. The night before I had prayed that the Lord just give me some direction as to where I can be of some use to the other believers I've been blessed to meet here in Japan. At the end of the service was announcement time. Aki came up and told us that there was going to be a gospel worship night next Saturday where everyone can just come and sing. He said that they needed some volunteers and if we wanted to help out that we should talk to him. After the service I kept thinking about what he said, but was for some reason, nervous to put myself out there like that. Right before I left I made myself go talk to Aki. I told him that I had nothing else to do next Saturday night and wondered if there was anything I could do to help out. He asked me if I sang and I said I could. Hosanna was standing near by and was like, "Yeah, I heard her in church and her voice is beautiful." It caught me a little off guard, but was happy with the compliment although I'm not sure if I'd go that far to describe my singing. Anyways, Aki got super excited and asked me to join their worship team and to sing with them on Saturday night.

So pretty much, that's the big news. I feel like this might be an answer to prayer. I'm a little nervous because I'm not very confident in my singing ability, but it is something I enjoy, so maybe the Lord can work with that :) Either way, I'm just excited to be involved in a group of believers and serving our Lord together.